Those of you who have a parent with Alzheimer's, as I do, know how easy it is to get impatient with short-term memory loss. Two years ago, I found myself falling into the trap of trying to reason with my mom over something she'd asked -- and I'd answered -- over and over. "Mom, you've already asked me that about five times in the last five minutes," I finally said.

Of course, it was exactly the wrong thing to say and do. My mom, who rarely gets angry, was furious with me -- and obviously hurt. "Well, all right," she said turning away, fuming. "I'll just stop talking."

I decided that day that I had to do better -- and thanks to the insights and advice of people like David Solie, the author of How to Say It to Seniors and one of our advisors, I have. David points out in senior editor Connie Matthiessen’s How to Talk to Your Aging Parents that when we take time to really listen to our parents, we learn a lot about the things that most matter to them (and that they’re struggling to make sense of). Yesterday was one of the high points of putting his advice to the test.

I spent the day with my parents, on a drive to Point Reyes National Seashore, just north of San Francisco. With just a few prompts from me, we spent hours talking about everything from the day my mother, just 9 years old, learned that her family had lost their house during the Great Depression to how she learned to make sauerkraut (all new to me). "We made a big vat of it every fall," she told me over lunch, digging into a hot dog loaded with sauerkraut.

When I half-jokingly asked my dad if he wanted to drive at one point (at age 86, he still loves to drive), he told me about the day he took his driver's test for the first time. After waiting in line for more than an hour, he finally got his chance but stalled the car in the first 10 seconds. "Oh, man" my dad told me, "your grandfather's blood pressure was sky high that day."

When we pulled up in front of our house after a long day of driving and sight-seeing and talking, my mom turned to me and said. "That was just a perfect day. Unforgettable."

Of course, I knew she would forget it. But I won't.

Despite the excitement of our launch and great feedback, we know we have a lot more work to do on the site to achieve our vision of being the best source of caring for an aging parent information. This past week, we had visitors in for usability sessions where we watched them navigate around the site and listened to their comments and concenrs.  It was so nice of these folks to spend an hour with us, and we learned a great deal about what we need to do to improve.  We're going to continue to iterate and test.  We follow a development approach called "agile", which means we're always reacting to feedback. Please let us know if you're interested in helping us with future usability tests...no experience required!

I ran into a friend last night who just put his mom in an assisted living facility.  She has Alzheimer's, and neither he or his brother felt it would be safe for her to move in with them.    She's angry at her children and he feels terribly guilty.  I let him know that hundreds of thousands of loving children have to make this difficult decision every week.  I told him two people he knew who had just gone through it; he had no idea they were suffering like he was.  Three learnings from this:  1) you're not alone; 2) you are still a good son/daughter; and 3) it may make it easier if you share your experiences with each other on our site.

I picked up my parents at the airport on Friday—they’d just flown in from my sister’s, in Maine—and almost immediately was reminded of two things:
-    how much a site like Caring.com is needed
-    how much work is ahead of us to answer the many questions my family--and all of you--are likely to have in the coming months and years

During the drive from the Oakland Airport to our house, I asked my parents how their motel near Logan Airport, in Boston, worked out. “Just fine,” my dad told me. “Real nice.” His one complaint: They had to climb into and out of a slippery tub, which had no bath mat, to take a shower—not easy at ages 85 and 86. “That’s an accident waiting to happen,” he said.

Note to self: Although we have a lot of helpful articles on bathing, we need some advice on how to handle bathroom safety issues on the road. Anyone out there have any good tips to share with the rest of us?

When we arrived home, I asked my mom, who broke her hip a few months ago, what she was wearing around her neck. She told me it was one of those medical alert devices that she can trigger to summon help if she needs it. My dad then showed me his, which he wears like a wristwatch. “But it only works in the house or in the yard,” my mom told me. “It won’t work out here, in California.”

Second note to self: There has to be a system that works on a mobile phone platform, so the devices work most anywhere…or is there? Has anyone out there found the answer?

After dinner, we watched a movie together: Sea Biscuit, which we’d all seen when it first came out a few years back. When it was over, my mom, who has early Alzheimer’s, turned to me and said, “That was a real good movie. I’d forgotten most of it.”

So had I, including one of the movie’s best lines (I’m paraphrasing): Just because someone is a little beat up [whether it’s a race horse, a jockey, an old horse trainer…or our parents] doesn’t mean they should just be tossed away. They still have a lot to offer.

That’s why we’re here. We want to help you help your parents through a stage of life that actress Bette Davis once described as “not for sissies.” 

Old age is hard—for our parents and us. Our hope is that by sharing our experiences, our collective wisdom, and support, we can make it a little easier and more meaningful for everyone involved. Let us hear from you. How can we make Caring.com work better for you as you care for your parents?

We're just wrapping up our first day of beta and are thrilled by the comments we've received from hundreds of visitors.  Thanks for the bug catching, usability suggestions and great ideas for features and services!  Please, keep them coming.

Welcome to the Caring.com Beta Blog.  Caring.com's goal is to help people care for their aging parents.  A year ago this week, my mom died of lung cancer.  My sister and I were distraught, overwhelmed and not sure what to do at each stage of her illness.  I decided to start Caring.com to help people when their parents get sick.  I was fortunate enough to connect with great co-founders, a wonderful team and two forward thinking investors who believe you can do good and do well.   Now I need your help.  If you're caring for a loved one, tell us what you like, don't like or is missing from the site.  Most importantly, share things that have helped you. It's a difficult journey, but if we all help each other we can make it a little bit easier.   .